'tis the season to be flabby and broke.

fwoah don't we all love christmas?i'm becoming too wellfed here in the office!earlier today,there was a pizzaparty with kfc thrown in the feast.and then there were the logcakes!from all over the place.not to mention the many festivefingersnacks (marks&spencers cookies,chocolates and chocolatecookies!endorphinoverload!) stocked up in here.i'm so flubbytubby now really.over the next few days, there're gonna be more highteas and more merryfeasting.i'm gonna look 50pounds heavier and 50metres wider this christmas.hohoho.oh and i just received my first christmas gift!it's a gorgeous charmbracelet with jadelike charmlets.really pretty!ilove!and they were handpicked for me by thebigboss.i shd be so honoured really.

zouk last night was an infested playground.the ultralastminute decision to go had us rushing back to alvi's place after dinner for chg of clothes and still,i wound up looking overlysloppy.whole night was spent viewing the permanentplatformfixtures with all e various handactions frm members.one thing noticed frm the members' loo,the toiletseats are always wet.cld either be frm the ferociousflush.or the guy before me DID NOT aim properly.ewww.such is a problem with unisexloos.grrr.if only melpangliching msged me sooner abt MOS!i'd love to lounge ard in e viproom la.(no offday for you anymore imelda)

christmas in 3days!
christmas shopping has been fabulouslyfruitful so far.i've gotten spectacular gifts for the spectacularbeings in my life.mymymy.they wld so love what i've gotten for them.PHOTOFRAMES!WEH NICE!haha christmas shopping for others brings me so much joy.i cant wait to see the joy on their faces when they unwrap my PHOTOFRAMES.speaking of which,i'd better do all my lastmin presents wrapping by tonight.ohwell my bestieboos have been constantlycomplaining that i'm such a difficult person to shop for.am i really?i don't think so lor.because i love so manymany things!do they not pay attention to me when i shop?haha but that's also because i'm such a slowshopper.and a real fussywuss too.i'll look at the objectofdesire.court and romance it for abt 15 mins.looksee looksee.then end up not buying.hohoho.
and i'm so dying of curiosity!both the bestieboos know what mybaby has gotten for me for xmas!i've been digging for hints but they leave me more curious than ever.vannieboo does drop pretty obvioushints.alvi's lips are tightly sealed.not a clue frm her.except that i shd thank her for it.haha and the not so silent hushushs abt presentpurchases going on is really quite amusing.when you're with your loveloves almost everyday, shopping for presents is kinda inconvenient.ohwell.all will be revealed on christmaseve'seve.cantwait cantwait!

speaking of the eve, i'm kinda bummedout that i'll be missing out hedkandi at ministryofsound.boohoo.i really dig hedkandi!but it's ok.i can always listen to the existing discotracks in my player and listen to my toes groove.

it appears that i'm e only one psyched abt christmas.i've been hanging ard with the-grinches-who-stole-christmas so often that it's not funny.i get scolded when i sing christmascarols.sigh.they've labelled me as santarina.but hey!little do they not know that i've been wearing the santahatty with my pyjamas when i'm at home.
SANTA!I'VE BEEN GOOD THIS YEAR!

hohoho.
happyholidays to all!

the absolute awesome-o arminvanbuuren.

zoukout05.trancing in e rain for 2 gdhours.absolutelyamazing.
now i know why alvi's so darn in love with armin.
swoooon.i just have this thing for djs supporting their earphones with their shoulders.hou sexy wor.i swear it's that look of concentration that i'm so attracted to.
and which dj wld abandon his console just to stand in e rain with his audience?avb really is prettydarngood.veryvery engaging.veryvery adorable.that smile.ohmy.

so hello ministryofsound.
welcome the new trance convert.

i'm a wanderluster.




heyho.merryol'soul.cillia's back frm her hollyday.just in time for some good ol'premerrymaking with good company and goodbooze.

say!i'm totally soaked in the festivefever.so much so i'm running a fever now.i've even created pseudo snowflakes to heighten the christmassy spirit.feeling me?besides the tingles in my bones as christmas approaches,i'm feeling the awfulaches in e bones too.not good to fall sick during festivefundays!boohoohoo.on a happier note,i'm gonna start doing up a christmas wishlist and shoppinglist of what to get for myloves.adding in a bagpurchase for myself will make me falala with joy too.i'm such a bagwhore really.
zoukout in 6days!woohoo.

ohgosh.just thinking of the reports due in the coming weeks is making me sick again.
this is so random.

reveal!

i was getting quite sick of the black bkgrd.it bores me immensely.which is no wonder i hardly post anymore.so i've decided to revamp my boringblog.e white bkgrd does strain e eyes quite a bit.warning you firsthand before you suffer frm chronic pahjiaoness.

and actually, i do have many visuals to flaunt.just that i'm ohsolazy to do them up in a collage.and also, my skills at doing up one pales pathetically in comparison to my vanniebooboo, who is now my everyday playmate!and i'm a happyhoneybee at e mo.cos my bestieboo is back for good!i missed her ohsomuch when she was away.but now she's back and gonna get sick of seeing me on an almost daily basis.and e funny thing is on e day alvi touched down, mybaby sent me this msg:

"morning baby, guess when alvi's back i'm gonna fade into e bkgrd. (then the usual mushymush which i shan't share). Have a good day ahead and don't forget me."

hohoho.i found e msg very amusing.

this coming sat will be our 4th yr together.my levis jeans' birthday coincide with e anniversary too.that's cos i bought my levis e day before i went on that date which chged our lives in many ways.my levis now no longer hugs e hips.thats cos i'm no longer a sexysize27.e lovehandles spill frm e seams and my hipsters are now worn high quite near e waist somewhere there.4yrs of whirledwashings in e washingmachine also loosened e elasticity ard e thighs and at certain angles, i look like i'm wearing jnco/fubu instead of levis.how unglam.but i still love e comfort tt it gives me albeit not looking that good in my jeans anymore.

yay.off to dinner with my lubbalubbas!

some outdated pictures:



oh yeah!i was so thrilled to receive a posty all e way frm down under frm my sweetheart cillia who's now in brissy/melb on a hollyday/lessons.thanks sweetie!it's really lovely to receive something addressed to me in e letterbox.so oldschool.besides bills n anyothers which aren't very welcomed, i'd love to receive stufferoos frm mr postman.anyday!

i think e new layout is v.girlie.
more pictures soon.

wahey

You scored as Gucci. Gucci 92% Diesel 83% Anna Sui 83% Tommy Hilfiger 83% Chanel 75% Burberry 75% Louis Vuitton 67% DKNY 58% Dior 58% Abercrombie & Fitch 42% What Designer Brand Are You? created with QuizFarm.com

i came across a seemingly mild and innocent questionnaire. the analysis blew me away. only because the questions were so blah but the analysis was not as blah and made me go 'wah'.

Your view on yourself:

You are intelligent, honest and sweet. You are friendly to everybody and don't like conflict. Because you're so cheerful and fun people are naturally attracted to you and like to talk to you.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:

You like serious, smart and determined people. You don't judge a book by its cover, so good-looking people aren't necessarily your style. This makes you an attractive person in many people's eyes.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:

You prefer to get to know a person very well before deciding whether you will commit to the relationship.

The seriousness of your love:

You are very serious about relationships and aren't interested in wasting time with people you don't really like. If you meet the right person, you will fall deeply and beautifully in love.

Your views on education:

Education is less important than the real world out there, away from the classroom. Deep inside you want to start working, earning money and living on your own.

The right job for you:

You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life.

How do you view success:

You are afraid of failure and scared to have a go at the career you would like to have in case you don't succeed. Don't give up when you haven't yet even started! Be courageous.

What are you most afraid of:

You are concerned about your image and the way others see you. This means that you try very hard to be accepted by other people. It's time for you to believe in who you are, not what you wear.

Who is your true self:

You are full of energy and confidence. You are unpredictable, with moods changing as quickly as an ocean. You might occasionally be calm and still, but never for long.

try it. here.

because i'm bored.

TELL ME ABOUT YOURSELF - The Survey
Name:	June
Birthday:	4th June 1984
Birthplace:	Sg
Current Location:	Office
Eye Color:	Dark Brown
Hair Color:	Highlights with blacks growing out ever so rapidly
Height:	1.68m
Right Handed or Left Handed:	Right
Your Heritage:	Chinese
The Shoes You Wore Today:	Slippers. As always hohoho.
Your Weakness:	BAGS!I just can't say NO to bags.
Your Fears:	Cockroaches! *CRINCH!
Your Perfect Pizza:	Hawaiian
Goal You Would Like To Achieve This Year:	Save $$$ and go on a HOLLY-DAY!
Your Most Overused Phrase On an instant messenger:	"hey"/"hahaha"
Thoughts First Waking Up:	"Let me sleep for 5 more mins!"
Your Best Physical Feature:	Shoulders
Your Bedtime:	11-12pm
Your Most Missed Memory:	IJ.
Pepsi or Coke:	Coke
MacDonalds or Burger King:	BK!For e love of Mushroom Swiss.
Single or Group Dates:	Group for the first.Single for the subsequents.
Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea:	Depends on the meal
Chocolate or Vanilla:	Chocolate anyday
Cappuccino or Coffee:	Both
Do you Smoke:	No
Do you Swear:	Occasional haha.
Do you Sing:	Yes.Very offkey and proud of it!
Do you Shower Daily:	Twice a day in fact.
Have you Been in Love:	Still am :)
Do you want to go to College:	Yes
Do you want to get Married:	Oh yes!
Do you belive in yourself:	Yes
Do you get Motion Sickness:	No
Do you think you are Attractive:	Hmmmm sometimes?
Are you a Health Freak:	No!
Do you get along with your Parents:	Yes
Do you like Thunderstorms:	What's there to like?
Do you play an Instrument:	No.I'm so untalented.
In the past month have you Drank Alcohol:	Just yesterday
In the past month have you Smoked:	No
In the past month have you been on Drugs:	No
In the past month have you gone on a Date:	Yes
In the past month have you gone to a Mall:	Just yesterday
In the past month have you eaten a box of Oreos:	Yes
In the past month have you eaten Sushi:	Yes
In the past month have you been on Stage:	No
In the past month have you been Dumped:	No!
In the past month have you gone Skinny Dipping:	Haha no.
In the past month have you Stolen Anything:	My baby's heart haha.
Ever been Drunk:	Yes
Ever been called a Tease:	Hmmm think so.
Ever been Beaten up:	No.
Ever Shoplifted:	Unfortunately..
How do you want to Die:	Painless and fast pls.
What do you want to be when you Grow Up:	A highflyer.A wife.A mother.
What country would you most like to Visit:	Where there is cheap shopping, fly me there!
In a Boy/Girl..
Favourite Eye Color:	No preference.
Favourite Hair Color:	No preference.
Short or Long Hair:	No F4ish long hair.Never!
Height:	Taller than me wld be good.
Weight:	M.O. hahaha
Best Clothing Style:	Casual.I do not like vainboys.I like mine scruffy.
Number of Drugs I have taken:	Paracetemol?
Number of CDs I own:	Minimal.
Number of Piercings:	3 on the left ear.1 on the right.
Number of Tattoos:	0
Number of things in my Past I Regret:	More than 1 definitely.
CREATE YOUR OWN! - or - GET PAID TO TAKE SURVEYS!

at long last





i must say.these pictures really crack me up!like all e time!a pity i didnt get to wear the moustache. i must add, if not for photofetished camerahogs, ie me, such captured moments wont be funny no more!i'm thrilled!another party coming up whereby i can once again play dressup.hurrah it's a halloween party!it will be my virginexperience of celebrating halloweens and i'm thrilled to e bones!i'm so deprived of trick-or-treating/playing dressup cos when i read babysittersclub and sweetvalleytwins in pri sch, i always wanted to dress up as an angel or fairy of sorts!imagine having wings (behind, not below), or decked in girliewirlie prettypinks, or as any character you always wanted to be.anyhoo, i'm wrecking my brains trying to figure out what to dress up as. you see, i'm trying to dig out nonsense garments frm my wardrobe and see what i can do with them. no way am i gonna rent a wonderwoman/catwoman costume.damn ex lor during this peakperiod. thanks to vanniepoo, she thought of some wonderful ideas for me, ie, come dressed in black+white( comprises of 80% of e wardrobe), buy a plastic nose and tada, ala MJ. or buy a redhoodedsweater and go as lil redridinghood.i proposed pretty darn brilliant ideas for her too. better than e redridinghood at least, and she laughed them off.pffft.my creativity is never taken seriously. i'm thinking of wearing e secsch uniform cos e belovedblue pinafore is ohsoversatile!but vanniepoopoo says it's a HALLOWEENS party, not a BACKTOSCH themedparty.dang.oklor.hmmm i'll think of something for sure.


over the past wk.





so it was e gathering of some of my favoritest girls for some drinks and goodfun. notice my superdarn smalleyes!i was feeling under e weather.good ol' hoe was good as usual.a sufficient amt of it gave me e guts to confront some shitofaperson who was sodamnbarbaric and spilled beer on my phone ok! hello! the textile of my phone is suede k!ok not quite but lushly velvety can.then on the way to supper, i think i scared a friend's girlfriend away with my slightly-more-than-enthusiastic hello at the coffeeshop. haha oops. cant wait for more!


my playmate on sundays!





i love my sunday playmate!shopping and feasting at carl's jr.which is so yum, carl's taste lingers in your mouth after manymany hrs!vannie and i spent e entire day reminising on our secsch romances as we strolled in and out of shops, and it basically brought back manymany memories.like how when we were younger, things were much simpler and sweeter then. e simple joys that make you float on cloud9. e simple joys that make you glow like no tomorrow. haha from singing songs in the voicemails, to proudly handinghands in sch uniform in town.teeheehee. ohwell.

there is a fine line btw remaining content and behaving overly complacent.and then there is also a finer line btw disappointment and deceit.so lines are crossed and i am definitely crossed when the apparent token of appreciation basically denotes below negative value in the gesture of sincerity.so i guess the gift lies in the rippled ridicule upon receipt.and at long last, e realisation that secondchances and forgiveness are worthless for the unappreciative abusers.

happyhoedays from awhile ago when mybabydoll alvi was back in town.you'll be home for good in 2 months!i need my bestieboo back here with me.i cant deal with my preciouslove's absence.







suntanning from awhile back.the company i had was brighter than sunshine.no wonder i got sunburnt.









so.the bmw event is finally over and done with.totally exhausting.and i had my precious weekends burnt too.the cars were e eyecandies that stole e show.vroom.i lust over e 6series.zoooom.each time i see a lady driving past the showroom in a powerautomobilelike a bmw,fwoah,my heart races with 500 horsepower.i always thought it's damn sexy for women to be in control of the wheel.hmmm jingle, you do not qualify cos you drive like an ah-ma.i know for sure i'll be e lousiest driver ard cos i'm so prone to multitasking and i'm ohsovery careless,unattentive,easily distracted and rude too.i'll end up cutting lanes when i'm in a madrush and not signalling for that matter(or e only signal wld be my middlefinger), or hog a one-way lane while applying lipgloss/msging on e handphone/picking e lint off my linen/last minute shaving.i know for sure i'll be a roadhazard!strapme in e passengerseat and i'm glad.in e meantime, i'll make any car look good, if not better, by being a car ornament.i'm also good at readingmaps too!all those navigationskills i learnt in my girlguide days definitely come in handy.i'll say "turn left or turn right" and not "turn here or turn there".see i know my directions well!the next time i see a lady in a leanmean automobile, i'll be on my way to ssdc.


over e wk, elaine's retrocious(retro/atrocious) party was somuchfun! i love dressing up for parties. dressing up to e theme that is. i thought my spankingnew 50/60s inspired outfit was DA BOMB until e birthdaygirl and some weird aerobics instructor ala e 80s came with wigs.oh and one hotstuff came decked in flashy moschino suspenders while another hotstuff did a britney by revealing her tumtum in an allgreen 70s inspired attire.i'd love to put up pictures to illustrate my pt. but i'm still WAITING for the pictures.uh-huh this goes out to YOU and YOU.damn e inconveniences for being camera-impaired.this will not do!this wellknown camerahogger needs her toy to make her complete!in e meantime, i'll just have to live with receiving pictures weeks later and posting postdated pictures.just like what i'm doing now.

purepuppylove.
loveletter from a 7yr old to a 7yr old.





the conversation between nicholas my student and me the teacherteacher:-
me (pointing to the sataysticks) : "Wow is this heart for your mommy?"
nicholas: " no. it's for my girlfriend sirada."
me: "your girlfriend? does she know she is your girlfriend?"
nicholas: " she knows! i like her but she don't like me."
me: "oh!does she have a boyfriend?"
nicholas: "yeah she has a boyfriend in thailand." (the girl he like is half-thai.)
me: "ok.so why are you making her these things?"
nicholas: "because i like her and i want to be her singapore boyfriend.i wrote her a love letter but you cant see it because i licked the envelope already. and do you know why i used blue ink to write the letter?
me: "why?"
nicholas: "because her schoolbag is blue so her favourite colour is blue.her schoolbag has red color pattern and black colour too.does that mean she is a tomboy?but she has long hair so she is not a tomboy right"
me: "girls can like black too."
nicholas: "no!girls can only like pink and red.boys like blue and black." (he is super chauvinistic for a 7yr old.)
me: "why do you like sirada?"
nicholas: "because she is very pretty and has long hair."
me: "ok.you better learn your ting xie properly. sirada only likes clever boys.if you do badly, then she'll laugh at you and wont like you anymore."
nicholas: "no. sirada will like me. i got 20/20 for my test."
me: "i know.good job.so now we learn ting xie properly ok?"(new tactic to get him to be serious on learning his ting xie cos he hates chinese.)


to get things straight, i am a good teacher!i did not teach him to spell "from" as "form" and "holiday" as "holly day".i was not ard when he did this.but e gesture is sweet enough that i didnt harp on e spelling error.


anyway, e next day when i went to his place for tuition and i asked him abt sirada's reaction. he said sirada was very happy.but he didnt pass her the present himself. he got someone else to pass to her cos he was feeling shy.so my guess is that he was looking at her frm afar.
his next present to her: his spelling test which i tested him on.written in neat handwriting and in pink ink.an attempt to impress her.he scored 5/5 anyway.so i guess my tactic worked.


aint love the sweetest thing?
oh yes it is.

a little selfindulgence over here.


i miss our happyhours.
when there's so much love going ard, no doubt there'll be insecurities surfacing. only because of e aroused fear of losing the ones you love most.
and that theloveweshare is irreplaceable.

my bra snapped when e yingying and i were waiting for our frappes at starbuckerboos yesterday. mindyou it's not e bra strap, for i was wearing strapless. how e fuck did it snap? my bra is goodbra can.goodbrand and all. so i conclude i'm seriously becoming more vertically challenged by e day. what hugs my hips now are tubs of lard! either that, or it must have been sth that i said to e yingying earlier.you see,when we walked past e nursing cubicle (for mothers to breastfeed their newborns/oldborns) at boringborder's toilet, i told her it was feedingtime for her. as usual some weirdalyankovichy of a person walked past and obviously heard what was said.
so note to self:NEVER to wear straplessbra underneath a whiteblouse.never.ever.NEVEREVER.and also, never ever take so much time to decide on your wardrobe that you end up wearing e wrong bra that doesnt give you e right support. so i was helplessly holding onto my chest area,tucked out my blouse that was tucked into my capris,and demanded that e yingying stick her hands under my shirt to help me buckle up. but no. she was lost in her gigglyfits that i'm so sure noone else saw/heard what was going on. amidst e exchanges of "hurry up help me buckle my bra!" and "hehehehe cannot la ppl outside can see", you really wonder whose bra really snapped. no thanks to e byjlookalike/lennonhairedyy,my agile fingers saved me. but i'm damn sure e starbuckerboos crew and maybe some lonesone customers who eavesdropped knew what was going on, for i didnt realise i was almost screaming at elaine demanding her to bucklemeup. and how dare you blog abt it you smengly eayy who's looking more like byj with e lennonhair! how cld you say you tried to help to buckle my bra up when each time your hand reach under my shirt, you sink into gigglyfits and end up not helping? you're e sweetest leh. you just want me to walk ard town exposed rite. ok la when you're not so smengly,you're precious enough to buy me vart i like.
we proceeded to meet e mellieboo(boo you suck)later,who later ditched the bitches to meet a sitarplayer after getting her loot and looking pweetty decked in e loot. how cld you dump e maharajahs for e sitarplayer? i already told you i wld play you like a spanishguitar all night long. i guess she preferred muttonflavoredones.and prefers a smaller instrument. she's pretty hungry too i must add so i hope mutton fills her up. do i hear a burp frm where you are?

you steal my heart
and you take my breath away.
would you take me in?
take me deeper now.
how can I stand here with you
and not be moved by you?
could you tell me
how could it be any better than this?

20july



arriving there fashionably late meant we missed most of the party.
but we managed to snag e free wine+beer+whiskydrys before e mediaparty was over.
cheers mel!thanks for e invites.


alvi has returned to melbourne.missing you many already baby.

we shd be banned frm mng. e morning of e mng sale on thurs,elaine and i met at an unearthly hr of 9am just to check out e sale. unearthly as i only had 3hrs of sleep frm zouk e nite before.e crowd that was already there was horrendous. e queues were so long and e place was packed with clothes strewn all over e place. kiasu as we are,we dug through e piles hoping to find sth we mite like. we found so many that we liketh very much. sadly we had to narrow e choices to what may suit e patheticbudgets. in 1 day,we checked out 3 mng branches, staying at each branch for an avg of 1hr each. we just cant get enough! poor soles. esp elaine's as she was unwise enough to wear heels. they were totally sore frm so much walking. elaine's my one and only mngsales shopping partner. we do this on a twice yearly basis. and shopping with her is always fun cos she is a crazybitch and we have so much fun bitching abt everything. and while checking out this tabloid mag at the borders,i found out abt a really deliciouslydecadent fact: that the mother&son characters frm niptuck,were actually dating!yummy!i love it when rships are so illicit.i cant imagine what they say to each other during offscreen intimacy. what i illustrated out to elaine is too lewdlyindecent to be mentioned here. and i didnt realise that there was an eavesdropper,looking so decent and all,decked in shirt and tie,who heard my entire role(fore)playing until elaine snickered. but the highlight of my day was when i bumped into my secsch bestfriend, whom i havent seen for 4yrs! speaking of her brings tears to my eyes cos i reallyreally missed her and to be able to see ethel and to hear her voice again was so heartfelt. my days in ij wldnt be so perfect if not for her lovelypresence. elaine and i were simply thrilled to see her! it seems so long ago when we were in ji for e first3mths and all e chain of events tt happened frm then on.we've indeed aged.


the following day,i met my gagagayle and for more shopping. i love gayle so much!she always has so many amusing stories to tell me.and now that she's a highflier,i'm entertained with stories of pilots and fellow stewardesses. from drinking with hk triads to scandals and seductions in e air. oohhoo. whatever happens at e cockpit,stays at the cockpit. so e two of us went crazy at mng again when elaine joined us. and we amused ourselves further by taking pictures while browsing thru e bra departments. gaylemyprettybaby has such bigbeautifuleyes. so electrifying arent they? that's my gorgeous stewardess. elaine's and my peepers seem so ridiculously small in comparison. oh yes. a particular paunch by e name of Ying Jr is just as amusing too. quite adorable too i must add if not i'm gonna be pinched by e Ying.
gayle and i had drinks at ochos and liberte at chijmes after that.drinking at former sch compound is such a treat! a night of too much beer i must say.gayle's male colleague and his friends joined us for drinks. we played this totally insane drinking game of 'I've never'. where dirtylittlesecrets and extremelykinkyexperiences were spilled for pleasure for all. funfunfunny! and the spilledsecrets are really too explicitlyillicit to be mentioned here, lest myblog might be stumbled upon if one's searching for perverselynaughtycontents on the searchengines.


and the weekend cldnt be anymore perfect than waking up to a loved one telling me how beauitiful i am to him. i must add that i look extremely grosse when i wake up. the morningbreath too is fwoah, not worth mentioning.


this week's gonna be fabulous albeit the schterm starting after the tooshort twoweeks break.with alvimylove returning to sg and i simply am dying to spend time with her. yes so much so that she'll get sick of me. and the verymuch anticipated dinner with ethel, with 4yrs of catchingup to do. i have millionsofthings to tell her. tons of mouthaction. cant wait!

slam your body down and wind me all ard.





while walking to e bus stop to catch e night rider after newsroombar, i heard a cheenapiangbeng pronounce terracotta, ie e one that four of us are posing with, as "teh-la-koo-tah".wahseh.i damn implessed leh.can plonounce so well ah.i really didnt want to turn ard to sneak a peek at him but i just had to.now i wish i didnt.
and i dont think i want to step into newsroombar ever again.





i wld have gone into e pool at km8 to have a dipdip+soaksoak+splishsplash if not for a certain inconvenience.e sun wasnt strong enough for a tan enhancement.oh well.heineken in e noon+munching on sandwiches made by cillia were quite a treat.


purr.
i love what absence can do to a person.
oh and by e way,granola bars make one hungrier and absolutely do not curb e appetite.
that's why i'm munching on two now.


time to raid e pantry again.

i know you're feeling me cos you like it like this.


the 21st was finally over and done with.


31stmay-the prebirthdaypartying


coccolatte.the company was fantabulous.i heard i did tons of crazyshit that night.skirtalmostpulledoff.revealing gs.podiumhogginghumping.misplacedhands.lustfuldeeds.oops.a little too explicit.tons of alcohol.loads of merrymaking.not that fun for most.it was gd while it lasted.
manythanks to all who came.
*manylovings.







*more




3rdjune-eve of thebirthday


i had the smashingest time with mel and elaine.my crazyass bitches.from drinks at this loveliest hiddenhideout called barstop. imitating this unappealing sexcretary who was desperately trying hard to seduce her boss by pouting her lips n squeezing e cleavage.to crazyfun at taboo.newfound "bestfriend" is this selfproclaimedSLUT: jimmy.he who loves to snog only angmohs n taught us how to shamelesslyseduce,ie by lifting up your top as you sway to e music.sexy!more alcohol of course came apouring.dancing under e shinydiscoball with all these reallyshinyhappyppl.real happy.where all inhibitions are shed.and may i add,attention was not on me for e first time.*ahem.yesyes humility is me.hands were kissed as greetings.birthdaysongs were sang in my ear by strangers who knew me not by my name,but as e birthdaygirl.i never danced any sexier.by vibrating even harder than a mulitspeed dildo turning anyone on faster than e miraculousbluepill+doing e mrbean thrusts n hands swinging in e opposite direction+dancing like robots.it was a nightful of laughters.
e only a pity:no pictures.cameraphones just arent tt good.




saturday4thjune-thebirthday


came home at 7am.woke up at 12 to bigloudbangs on the maindoor.the doorbell wasnt working dingdongnomore,so e deliveryboy was shouting "miss june(!!!!!)" so loud that it woke me up.i crawled out of bed so pissed that my beautyzzz was disrupted.and standing at e door was a deliveryboy with a glassvase full of 12 beautifulblueroses and a rather dodgylooking bluebear to match.sweetsurprise.frm e friend from boston.he called later asking if e deliveryboy sang me a birthdaysong,which e deliveryboy didnt.i dont blame him la.i greeted him with badmorningbreath+fbtshorts worn at the waist+some uglylooking singlet+squintingfrowns cos i wasnt wearing my glasses.who wld wanna sing birthdaysong for me looking like absolute pieceofpoo?
did i mention that i was suffering from the birthdayblues e entire wk?felt that on thebirthday itself.was even on e verge on cancelling dinner altogether because of certain ppl's absence.but i was so glad that i didnt.dinner at indochine waterfront restaurant was lovely.the atmosphere was intimate and cldnt be anymore perfect with te presence of leng and cillia.the restuarant felt like ours as we were e only ones dining indoors.the food was yums.the company i had was yummier.*burp.meal ended and the entire staff came out with a cake and sang me a birthdaysong.even e chef!awww.so sweet.
proceeded to drinks at bar opiume.even lovelier.three of us lounged on e blackcouches like lazylizards with buldgingbellies as the jazzband serenaded.in e midst of the maddeningrush, i felt this sudden peace frm within.this is living.wining and dining with two of my closestloves.i never felt happier.this is contentment.i may not have alot of flashy blingblings.but i have these preciousloves that dizzy me up with pricelesshappiness.







*more


pause.flabalert! check out my doublechin!i had to hide my buldging tummy with this lovelylavender top.which so happens to be a gift frm alvimylove.


so despite some detesting the mth of summerflinging and summerfuns, i'm loving it cos i'm celebrating me.this is the month to celebrate me.june is the month to celebrate june with june.
cheers!

so i have decided on the dresscode.


come dressed as the Girl/Boy from Ipanema enroute to COCCOmo.
think bossanova.sensuality.flowerchilds.flambuoyancyplease.bohochic.tons of flair.totally outre.merrymaking.gyratinghips.hiccupinghippies.
if all else fails, come dressed as any desirable LATTE flavor.vanilla.praline.rum.cinnamon.caramel.mocha.slurpishlysexy. as long as you arrive looking yummy and ultradelish and hardtoresist.


the prebirthdaycelebration.
31may
coccolatte
presales $14/tic.$16 at the door.
join me in celebrating my 21st!
we shall embrace my leap into womanhood together with tonsofbooze+boos.
make me happy by partying with me :)
let's rhumba!

at 5bucks per item, who cld refuse?
i totally lose it when i'm at fleas cos everything is just so cheap.
albeit secondhand, they're worth my every penny.
so timberlux, here i come!

and...





skinonskin contact brings abt incredible pain.
but i felt something much more intense than that.

especiallyforyou.
may days ahead be as lovely as you are.

so i thought i wanted a change.
for something better.
i laid my eyes on bob.
and i thought thebob was the one for me.
but now that i've got my heart's former desire,
i'm not sure so sure abt thebob anymore.
thebob and i don't look so good together.
somehow, i think thebob looks better with others than with me.
now that i've got thebob,
i don't think we're as compatible as i thought we wld be.
maybe i shd just give us time,
and give thebob some getting usedto.
but hey,
in time to come, i won't even want to live with thebob any longer.
so i rushed into things.
the fault is all mine.
and i'll have to live with my hasteposthaste of a decision.


plus,
i'm not even enjoying thebangs with thebob at all.
and faking it doesn't serve as a solution or an easy way out.
thebob doesn't make me feel as good as i wanted thebob to.
i don't oooh anymore. i arghh all e time.
i'm not liking/loving every waking moment with thebob.
and yes.
i cant wait to dump thebob.


longer is better.
for me, that is.

the blow


we might as well be strangers.
the wither of the belovedbotany.
once in fullbloom.the now-a sour staleness due to your imposed expiry.
whilst preferredperceptions are propagated by allthenoseynobodys,
misconstruedmishaps-harbored and born
ununderstoodtruths-developed and rippenedwithrot
i cldnt care less.
cldnt the least be bothered for they're hardly even significant.
basking under the askewedassumptions cast upon me,
thriving from the thoughts that're forming in these mindlessminds
perlustrating peeps and peeks that are thrown towards my direction.
and it was then
the unfortunate unearthing: that you were them
that spilled the shrouded squalidity.
how i had believed that you were one of utmostjust
reasoning with reasons
unjudgmental and unbiased.
for you knew me.
the innerme you managed to know of
as i shared with you my many insecurities.
how you used to calm me with your wisewords and soundserenity
the one i turned to in times of difficulties and moments of glee.
till the day the back was turned.and the love was lost and gone.
the purpose of this isnt to identify the source of cause or name the blame.
but an expression of the disappoinment and the isolation that has frayed the selvage.
to know that we wont be the same again
is desolation beyond any loss i have encountered by far.
for we wont be the same again,
we might as well be strangers.
if only we didnt develop that level of emotional intimacy we had
the talks the laughs we shared
the layers of pretense defense that you encouraged me to shed
all were good while they lasted.
and from the looks of the outcome,
we will be strangers.


as your eyes reach this part of the post,
we already are strangers.
pleased to have met you.
perhaps we shouldnt have.

i find myself wondering
what it wld be like
if i was yours for a day.


bite me pls.
for bearing such debauched thoughts.

photowhoring with photoshop.
snapshots of myloves.
etched in e heart.
for life.













amateurish artworks, no?


yesterday, whilst vanniemybaby and i were nuaing at starbucks, along came a secondary school classmate of mine. one i haven't seen like for 5 yrs? she has changed so much. appearancewise that is. frm then when her uniform was neat and proper and her socks were of e legal length.(during my time, it wasn't that funkydory yet to wear ankle length socks. socks more than 3fingers above the ankle were drawn with markers by e discipline mistress, if my memory serves me right. correct me if i'm wrong?)
anyway we were just casual conversationalising when the topic of marriage came up. e most shocking news of e night: a primary sch classmate of mine was gonna get married in june. *shrieks *gasps *speechless. omg. fellow ij sisters. i'm sure you'd know who she is. she was one fifth of the vocal quintet in ij who always gathered either in arts1 or arts3 classroom every morning and harmonized their vocals while pple like me were busy copying homework or catching some winks. married at 21? unthinkable. van and i were visibly shaken by the news of the happyunion. it's like despite e fact that we're only 20 turning 21, 19 turning 20, for a splitsecond moment, van and i shared e same thought. for why are we still left on e shelf? it's not as if we were feeling e itch and were desperate to be married off. but were mere triggeredoff thoughts which proliferated and manifested on my way hm.
no longer sweetsixteens in that gorgeous blue pinafore with e belt worn loose and low. but wives walking down aisles in verawangs. followed closely by adorning hotmama-ish pregger outfits from swell or something and shopping at mothercare. *shrieks. those were e days when friends wld gather during recess and discuss and predict who wld get married off first blahblahyada. it is so happening like right now. soon wedding/solemnization invitations wld replace those hallmark xmas cards that we used to send each other every xmas during those times in ij. and yes. soon e attached amongst us wld start hearing e biological clocks in them ticking like timebombs and urging their other halves to settle down or else. and e rest who have managed to convince themselves that they'd thrive in singledom wld begin to feel e chiffonlike dust layers on top of their chiffon dresses. speedating/grp dates/blind dates/irc outings wld soon follow suit.


3-6 more yrs before we're all of a decent marriagable age.
geezybeezy. my, have we aged.

if we had no memory whatsoever
//we would stay right here forever .


here is gone.


i wish you had short term memory loss.
things wld be perfect
and we'd be so happy.


to wake up in the breakdown.

this is too much for me to bear.
the history that haunts.
the past that prostrates the present.



for the first time,
i felt the relief that surged amidst the dismal dismissal.
over.

cillia+me=coloredhairjoy!


the weekend.
7hrs stay at e salon. e butt is now flatter than before. not like there was any there in e first place. virgin experience of e hair streaked with highlights. complimentarygleewhee. absolutely loved e head+neck+shoulder massage by e shampooboy. oooh. ooooooh. hokkien mee. carrotcake. sugarcane+lemon jest @chompchomps. sitting down at e bench bearing our souls to each other. sharing our tears and fears. ilovecillia. then came captainchua+ron. (poor) navigation ard singapore=exploration to neverbeenexplored before estates. hollandvillage. teacafe called escensia methinks? no chairs. crosslegged enjoyment of earlgrey. then came e rumble of e tumtum. journey to geylang for e beef horfun. *to alvi- i cldnt stop thinking of you when i was consuming my beefhorfun..wishing you cld be here with me. gettinglost. alphabetgames. greatime.


moviemarathon. milliondollarbaby. what a tearjerker. shallwedance. richard my alltimefaveoldman gere shdnt have been in this bgraded production. anything with hanifer tacoandbarrito just aint gd. closer. ilovecloser. an absolute work of art. i love i love i absolutely love how e characters development intertwined with each other. how they're all each other's muses. e usual favorite elements namely love+lust cant be anymore eminent. brilliance. i can identify with more than one of e characters portrayed. i feel them. so can any of you. it touches you in more ways than one. a lustmustwatch.
then came a downpour. i just hate bearing my soul to you. because i know how you can make use of e facts agst me one day. and now that i have, i'm shattered because i just lost one layer of my pretense defense. deep inside. i just want to be e perfect unflawed one. i hate how you pry deep within e skin. this isnt dishonesty. this is just not knowing e truth. many times, i yearn to be an open book in front of you but i know there are chapters abt me that you shd neverever know. not now at least. i'm confused to why we're still in this when it benefits neither in e first place. i don't know what to become anymore.


"sometimes, being tough just aint enough.
and. always protect yourself."
-frankiedunn in milliondollarbaby.

promises of pleasure mesmerised,
but how far can we get?
at least here in the eye of the storm
i won't get my (new) hairdo wet
some of you have already foreseen yourself undone
some of you seem to believe you've only just begun
try a little perjury,
get rich quick
my eyes are bigger than my belly is,
and it makes me sick
attitude, with so much to prove,
should've been a beautiful thing
some of you will already know,
and i'm still wondering
should've been a beautiful thing
could've been a beautiful thing
i could've been, should've been, could've been a beautiful thing
should've been, would've been a beautiful thing.


how we love to disguise.


should've been, could've been-moloko.

for it was a mere fixation with fiction
a showcase of my nowherenear perfect prose
e illusory identity illustrated was readily accepted.
names were never mentioned to begin with
roles narrated were so broadspectrumed, almost anyone can relate to them
but i guess it just struck one really hard.
and e ludicrous rejoinder stirred probably stems frm e guilt,
thus e intense defense mechanism.
yawn.
e sham is such a shame.


review of e bachelor last night:
i personally feel that e way trish behaves e way that she does, is moulded by e circumstances she's been facing with all her life. she commented that she cld never get along well with other females and cant stand their cattiness and only enjoys e company of men. especially physical intimacy frm men. regardless of marital status. perhaps by being so sexually giving and mastering e perfection in skills and giving men e absolute pleasure that e dirtiest porn cant even fulfil, that's probably e only time her presence is enjoyed and appreciated. i detect her desperation for acceptance. and since she claims she's good with what she can give, i suppose thats e only lasting power she possesses.
that, truly is sad.


i'm really fortunate to have a few good ones who're so close to my soul. being with me thru e roughest tides. resuscitating me when i've drowned. rescuing me when i'd rather suffocate. sticking by me through my periods of ugliness in moods. making me a better person thru their tenderlovings. frankly, i do feel at times that i do not deserve any at all. that maybe, i'm better off alone. i have remorse in not being able to show appreciations for my blessings. for i'm an epitome of all-talk no-action. just like a typical bastard. but i'm working on improving to be a better person, reciprocrating e affections that i've been receiving.
i dont want to end up as an ingrate with diminishing caregivers.
just like how one's been ditched.


advice: if ever you wish to bitch abt anyone at all, pls take great precautions in making sure that e word doesnt get ard to e subjectmatter eventually. be a vigilant rumormonger. such is e essence of being a successful businessperson. it's all abt e right amts of applications.

met my alltime favorite womaniser38 last nite for an unsuccessful shopping spree.oh e fact that e former objectofdesire was ard was secondary. leading me to conclude nah-uh, i wld prefer e beefy cutie with e goatie who was so delicate with his hands that he can actually sew and use e sewing machine.oh my.*swoon.i cld have melted there and then.to see men who’re so serious and engrossed in doing something they’re so passionate abt is an incredible turnon.
which leads to our orchardmrt to dhobyghautmrt superslowstroll and deepdeepdeepconversation.


Faux.


how i've witnessed some ard me, who in attempts to impress, forge and feign their traits and personas.
person1 may sound familiar to my closestloves. one who’s intimidated by my presence and as a result, gets tonguetied and stammers in e midst of conversations with me. which is occasionally amusing and perhaps adorable at e mere witness of e fusion of his bashfulness/nerves overrun. with a tendency to focus more on his flaws than giving myself a chance to understand him as a person, one fine day, i disposed my reticence and viewed him as a plainwhitesheet. devoid of impressions inked on previous occasions. so things looked slightly cheerier. But many a times, i had e strongest urge to tell him to be himself. because i’m hardly even impressed at his recordbreaking swims/runs/fulfilling gym workouts/proteinshake or other antioxidant intakes. he’s like talking to e unsportiest person ever who loves her meat and fattyfood more than anything else.e more he mentions his apparent achievements, i dash towards e other direction. faster than his recordbreaking personal best timing clocked. e final straw came abt and blew away any chances he cld ever have. by writing an absolute shit of a testimonial for one of my closestlove, telling her “to wipe e fucking grin off (her) face and to shut up"?! testimonials are meant to be ego-enlarging PR proclamations and that particular one written for her was hardly even funny. in fact it was downright offensive and disrespectful. ruderuderude. so he basically placed e fullstop to everything.


person2 is more talkedabt. she cooks up and conceives her own contradictions to abide by to portray herself as ooh..intriguing? please. hardly even. she goes ard announcing how she can be such a bitch but still e sweetest bitch ever. yeah sweet enough to bring her home to show mommy.everything abt her is a fiction more 'enchanting' than enid blyton or e girl frm mallory towers. if she cld pause for maybe one second in e midst of her marvelous storytelling, and realise that there’re onlookers scrutinizing her every move just dying to expose her con act.if she cld tell others that a former-good-friend-of-hers always sit on other men’s lap whenever e friend goes clubbing, halt. e friend never cheated/strayed/tasted other men during e course of e friend's rship.yes e friend only had 1 rship.and whilst she always appear victimized,what she left out was e fact that she brought upon everything to herself with her misdeeds.of cos she leaves these details out.there's a targeted audience that she's trying really hard to impress.an audience that's totally out of her league. which explains why she's e somebody that she's not and wont always be.


so while there're only two that are mentioned, i can outrightly say that i'm not all that genuine either.but at least i'm honest abt it and yes i make it known.e hardly-ever-pleasant entries of mine simply spell out june as a bitterbitch, sourslut, fuckedupfloozy, hatefulharlot, anything one can cast me as. i'll play out whatever e role you want to perceive me to be. even till today, after being with him for more than 3yrs, he's still peeling off e layers of camouflage that i've enshrouded myself with.i don't lie.e truth is just not known.


and maybe e reason why e truth wont ever be known is because e truth is ugly.
once seen, i'll be shunned.
it has already been tested and proven.

i've been down and
i'm wondering why
these little black clouds
keep walking around
with me
it wastes time
and i'd rather be high
think i'll walk me outside
and buy a rainbow smile
but be free
they're all free
so maybe tomorrow
i'll find my way home.


maybe tomorrow-stereophonics.


wicker park.the movie.brilliance.the soundtrack.absolute awesome-O.
how all e songs are so apt to e emotions that flow throughout e movie.


all these people drinking lover's spit
swallowing words while giving head
they listen to teeth to learn how to quit
tied to a night they never met
you know it's time
that we grow old and do some shit
i like it all that way.


lover's spit-broken social scene.


i love it when a movie stimulates me.
recommendations pls.for such artyfarty shows.esp those saturated with lust/love/wealth/e filth of it all.lusted with reasons.loving without reasons.mix them with e seductions of money.e final concoction-absolute filth.i love.*licks lips.

bitchfit.


this is a once a mth affair.in conjuction with e other monthly occurence.


you're pathetic.
as loudmouthed and uncouthed you are,
you shamelessly putforth yourself as a victim while illustrating your sobstory.
so pitiable.
it disgusts me to witness you leeching on others,
unable to stand up for yourself.
how pathetic can you be?
direct confrontations work best with me.
why involve others when it's only between us?
spreadspreadspread your sobstory far and wide.
i cant e least be bothered with what is being said.
you're such a shame.
such a disgrace.
as much as i need to release and vent,
you're not worth any mere mention on this space in this column.
it's too exclusive for you.
as much as i wld want it to be evident that it's directed at you knowing that you'd be reading this,
even as i express and verbalize my discontentment in my simplest form of expression,
i doubt it's within your grasp of comprehension.
you wont even realise it's you i'm referring to as your eyes scan through my concealed connotations.
i'm watching you.
any indifference shown will be noticed, indicating that you're acknowledging all of e above.
think again.
don't think so highly of yourself.
don't give yourself too much credit.



oh.and ms-i-do-not-have-originality-in-me-and-love-to-emulate-other's-style-as-my-own-because-i-dont-have-any strikes once and again.*yawn.what's new?what else are you capable of?i wonder when you'll ever get sick of yourself.
thrill me.
but i doubt your ever-so-pablum persona*enormous yawn* can even raise any reaction from me.


i wonder who is more detestable.
i think it's e latter.


a release is good.

happy 21st to my sweetest cupcake that i'm constantly craving for-cillia.


so it's been 2 years.frm colleagues to closestlove. frm having a crazy mr mamood storming up e office of singapore powers demanding to kill you to being totally nuts abt having you in my life.been through different men, hairstyles, social circles, lifestyles, bust sizes, waist expansions/contractions and yet there's a common love that we have for each other. not seeing each other on a regular basis does not dilute e intensity of how passionate i feel for you. those were e times when i'd travel to clementi to your place and sing jay chou's rooftop together. and infecting you with my infatuation with south park ever since e j-o-o joke. e times when we'd sit and talk for hours over anything and everything. i totally dig you despite being as different as night and day and day and night. as reflected in our different preferences in men (with you preferring metrosexuals with good dress senses and me going gaga over those who cant be bothered with their looks but with nice shoulders of cos.which is gd cos i'll never like e men you like/love/lust over), and different fashion statements (with you being totally eclectic and funkydunky and me being boring and timeless with classic black and whites and occasional explorations with other colors), we bond together like tight leather bondage.cuffed together.kinky are we. and i know this mutual love will continue for as long as it will last.


i love you cillia.
*hugs and wetkisses.

*feast your eyes.


walawala's on boxing day.


brewerkz on postboxing day.


2days before alvi left.


e day before alvi left.

i'm not too psyched abt e new yr.
it cld be because i didnt kickstart e new yr at some raveofaparty in e company of my lovelies at rouge.
none of e usual merrymaking which i wld have loved and preferred to end 2004.
instead.e eve was spent playing nurse to the sickone.
disclaimer:do not think kinky.pardon the heavy saturation of connotions otherwise.
cldnt possibly have enjoyed myself knowing that he was sick and viralstricken.
what cld be worst than falling sick on nye and down with fever/bodyaches/flu/rashes/add all of them up/equals to dengue.poor boy.
counted down to e new yr with his parents opening all e windows and switching on all e lights in e hse as a beginning to a bright new yr.
so basically it was a super subdued lowkey affair.
an indication for me to mellow down this yr maybe?
i start off e yr with nulled expectations.


happy 2005.