Saturday, October 30

wednesday's mambo session

before downing down shots of sexonthebeach and gulps of apricot brandy and alot of what nots:

vanniebaby and i in a preciousmoments-ish pose



my favorite ahlian and i being poseur


after downing down shots of sexonthebeach and gulps of apricot brandy and alot of what nots:

us with max.all dizzied up with tipsiness.


intense intoxication of liquer at zouk.
and ooh hardcore house at liquidroom afterwards.
been surrounded by too much trance and house these few days that i cldnt ctrl e tapping of my feet to e tiutiutiu music.
but only feet tapping.no other bodily movements produced cos e body cldnt coordination to e apparent rhythm n beat of e monotonous n repetitive tiutiutiu.
oh well..it really wasnt that bad though it wasnt e preferred source of audiopleasure.
being in e company of my pamperedpassions leng n van(iloveyou!) made e nite ohsolovely n definitely much talked abt.


that's all for updates.

Sunday, October 24

this is the last time
that i will show my face
one last tender lie
and then i'm out of this place.

till tmr comes,
my motives move alongside with your illbred intentions.
e obvious will be visualized in such an indirect manner
that oblivion will be shown directly.


Tuesday, October 19

tear smears.
rose tinted coverage
fakes e glow which no longer radiates.


lacklustre lips.
painted by mac lipglass
e sheen and shimmer
an attempt to draw attention away frm e pale prosaic pout.


sore.
surrounding e almondhue
stains e vision.
despite its promised powers of lash lengthening/intensifying
e mascara fails to conceal
e stolidly stale stare projected by e saline-stained oculus.


dolled up to deceive.
a loungeact at its peak of perfection.


applause pls?


sin-covered in security
sheer smothering.
i'll let you do e deed.



Monday, October 11

you called yesterday
to basically say
that you care for me, but
that you're just not in love.
immediately, i pretended to be
feeling similarly
and led you to believe i was ok
to just walk away from e one thing
that's unyielding and sacred to me.


well i guess i'm trying to be
nonchalant abt it.
and i'm going to extremes
to prove i'm fine without you.
but in reality
i'm slowly losing my mind
underneath e guise of a smile
gradually i'm dying inside.
friends ask me how i feel
and i lie convincingly
cos i don't want to reveal
e fact that i'm suffering.
so i wear my disguise
till i go home at night
and turn down all the lights
and then i breakdown and cry.


e end.


Saturday, October 9

flashbacktrack>>3yrs down memory lane.


one unbreezy evening, sillybaby and i decided to take a leisurely walk ard his estate after dinner. ooh yeah i'm so totally made for walking. i swear every singleinch of my body is celluliting so i rejoiced at e idea of toning and working thy calf muscles. so we walked e entire seletar estate- thru seletar hills/gardens/nim/mimosa/neram/other jalansomethings weirdsounding road names/and even came across to mr minister's hse. george yeo methinks. and there was an indian policeman sitting in his lil cove outside e hse. so poor thing la. e weather was unbearably unbearable. still n humid. only thing tt blew was nothing. sightings include wowing at suisui cars such as my alltime fave lexus(swoon...), SLKs, a supergorgeous nissanfairlady, porsches parked alongside beemers(7series to be precise) in e same hse(filthyfilthy rich cant freakin stand it!) and of cos nice big houses with gardens, whitepicketfences and doggies either running ard chasing their own tails or barking non stop by e gate (which reminds me of silly's stoopid dog who's jealous tt i have to share his owner with him and wants me dead i swear).


walkedwalked sweatsweat...


then came sad sighting..
tt seletar macs was demolished.
and all ard it. including e mkt, e oldish flats n e mamapapa shops which sell tidbits reminiscent of my childhood.
and tt evoked such a strong sadness within me.


it was where everything began;
was where my fave ppfrontman studied together for supps.
geog and econs to be exact.
underneath e posters of john lennon and e rest of his boys as decors.
was where when he told me tt my currentsqueeze wld be really blessed if he had me.
was where he told me tt he wldnt even introduce me to currentsqueeze(!elation!) if he didnt meet his thensqueeze who's suchabitch really.
was where i confided in ppfrontman tt i was doubting babytouringeurope's thenadvances.
tt were there mere honeycoated nothings or flavored somethings?
was where ppfrontman assured me tt my nowandthenbaby was serious abt me.
was where mybaby and i first held hands discreetly.
underneath e tables. without ppfrontman's knowledge.
was where mybelovedyingying pronounced n-i-n-e as neeneh instead of nine.
was where e four of us laughed at e stupidest things over happymeals.
such happy meals.
was where sillybaby n i studied n sneaked peeks at each other during our periods of greyish ambiguities.
as i'd refused to go to his place, knowing i'd breakaway frm my limitations.
was where sillybaby's mom n i bought 25 25cents ice-cream cones.
aha vanilla delights.


and e mkt was where we bought breakfast/lunch/dinner for his parents.
and seeing him chitchat with e hawkers cos they've practically seen him grow up.
which i bet was an attempt to get more ingredients and was a successful one.


so these significant landmarks are now nothing but empty landscapes.
prolly gonna build up some mightymall there.
which wld further escalate e prices of land n private estates in tt area.


so it is a goodbye to former serenity.
defunct.
but deeplymissed.


Saturday, October 2


selfobessession at its peak.


loving oneself is e most vital immunity ammunition.
without this pride that you have in yourself,
wounds of weaknesses are exposed
allowing others to feast on your pain
and conquer e vulnerabilities.
till damage is beyond any salvation,
regrettting doesnt serve as an aid.


loving thy flawshortcomingsimperfectperfections.
loving thy strengthslongeivityperfectimperfections.
for saying that you care is nothing more than a shallow conceit
raise me up with falsetted acclaims
only to let me down in shame.
count on noone.
believe in none.


leng: iloveyou.
those tears that we've shed
werent meant for him for he does not deserve
e tears that ive shed n shared with you were out of heartache
for it hurts me so much to see you cry
and angers me to know that i cant reduce your pain
always here for you
willing to do anything in n out of my power for you.
anything.