i get so weak in the knees
i can hardly speak
i lose all control
and something takes over me.

last nite,i dreamt tt sillybaby n i were gonna get married.on e 8th of june to be very exact.that's like 12 days frm now, 4 days frm my birthday.there was no knee on grd proposal or anything.sure didnt remember seeing any kringkring diamond being put on my ring finger.all e dream consisted was us preparing for e upcoming wedding reception.leng n vannie played cameos.cant remember what they were doing.anyway i kept asking him in e dream why were we getting married so early when we both have no money.he said we shd get married soon on e 8th of june cos it's in e pink of june.exact words frm him in e dream.as in e pink of health?shrugs man no idea what tt meant.remembered having lotsa doubts abt us getting married so soon but he wldnt take no for an answer.also remember wearing a white satin bustier gown while preparing for e reception.my fat boy was alot slimmer in e dream.oh yes n we were happily kissing while discussing abt plans for e reception with someone.damn strange.

intepretation frm dreammoods:
Wedding
To see a wedding in your dream, symbolizes a new beginning or transition. Dreams involving weddings are generally negative and highlight some anxiety or fear. It often refers to feelings of bitterness, sorrow, or death. Alternatively, wedding dreams reflect your issues about commitment and independence.

Kiss
To dream of a kiss,denotes love,affection,tranquility,harmony,and contentment.

woke up thking maybe this dream of us getting married,e beginning of life spent together as one,is foreshadowing a plausible end to e rship.tt perhaps it'll end on 8th of june,e supposed date of marriage in e dream.talked to him abt it just now n we were laughing abt it.somehow i've got a bad feeling abt this.shit.wish i didnt remember e vivid details of e dream cos now it has def got me thking way too much.am negative now.oh well it's all just a silly dream eh.havent seen him for 3days tt's why.sillybaby had a dream last nite too.of his friend jonathan n a giant tarantular and oh yes,he also dreamt of his ex girlfriend/e one i hate e most(!!!)/e one i detest so much(!!!)/e bitchslut-ihateher.*curses.yeah tt one.*curses.shant mention e name cos i hate e sound of it.he dreamt tt she said hi to him n cldnt remember anything else.rite.so i dreamt of a marriage n he dreamt of tt creature?!?!how pleasantly nice!and tt got me so worked up but once n again he got so amused by my pettiness n how worked up i was.petty meh?i just dont like it.and it's as if she'll always be an element of his past tt'll continue to haunt.i'm hating it.sillybaby has alot of reassuring to do.

sniffles.caught a cold again.i wish i cld chop off e damn nose now!grrrr.damn annoying.
my sweetest sillybaby bought me supper frm chomps last nite.he knew i was starving so he bought me charkuayteow n extra packet of taugay n cockles n brought e foodie to my hse.super yummy.aha n later at nite over e fone he told me that was my bday present.rite.my boyfriend's got a weird sense of humour eh.just like me.hiakhiakhiak.
not gonna be seeing my sillybaby much anymore cos he's a busy busy boy now.so i shall be a busy busy girl too so i wont have to miss him much.

ten more days to my birthday,in case you're wondering.
a very casual reminder to all.

update at 9.26pm:
miracle!after talkin to alvi on e phone,my nose has stopped running!completely stopped.no more sick june anymore.yippee!alvi is my remedy.alvi always makes me feel better.alvi makes june a happy girl.june loves talkin to her alvi.alvi is my baby and i is loving alvi very much.lovelovelove.all for you,alvi.:)
and also,thks to my susan for providing me with tons of tissues.and also torturing me while i'm at your hse.

fourth of june is a very special day.

ewww.blogger has chged its layout n it's how grosse n childish.for a moment i thought i went to nickolodeon.com instead.

lookback at e wk's happenings.

tues.
went shoppin with little flower n susan before e flower returned to msia.so many things i wanna buy but no money!listen up.my birthday's in 2weeks so everybody better start saving up.went sim lim sq with e-darling-of-mine n watched van helsing afterwards.not bad a show tho my baby n i got kinda bored n distracted but nonetheless it was not bad.pleasant day.full of smiles.am happy to be with him.:).smiles some more.:)

wed.
pukes-a-plenty at zouk.
gosh.for e first damn time i drank so excessively much that i puked all over a place.not that i can recall where i puked.zouk was damn packed.contemplated on not entering when i saw e snake long queues.oh well but it's been a looooong time since i clubbed with my lovelies:van,cillia,elaine n elise.consumptions for e nite:hot n sticky-one n half glasses.2 jugs of whisky cokes btw us.a bottle of e33 to elevate e high.and more fast n furious sips of long island for e insanely subconsious.my goodness.cant really recall much of e nite except everyone was highhighhigh.skyhigh till we puked to low grds.and saw certain somebody whom i dont have a liking for anymore aft tt nite.oh yes another thing i can recall is an unbelievably nice stranger who sent me hm.
to mr dan(hope i got e name rite)..dont thk u'll be seeing this but gosh you are such a weirdo.i hardly know you but you sent me home.to my doorstep even.and wasted your time at my carpark while i puked n ranted at you for sending me hm.are you insane?why,you paid for my cab fare, patted my back while i puked, make sure i got hm safe..boy are you strange.oh well i shall take heed Channel NewsAsia's Pay It Forward movement.you did such a good deed of sending me hm n taking care of me whilst i was not stable n conscious n mental,and put up with my scoldings which you didnt deserve.you are a good citizen.i shall pay e good deed forward.thanks once again.

thurs.
wasnt walking strt when i woke up.horrible hangover.horrible feeling.looked horrid too.blech.had lunch with my beloveds leng n van at leng's hse.dinner at bukit timah's boon tong kee with elaine n van.grrr.took e wrong bus hm n ended up at bloody boon lay without a single cent!took cab hm in e end which was how expensive.heart very pain.

fri.
finally had my tanning done with a someone whose identity i shalt not disclose.you know who you are.:).glad you shared your life with me.i hope for e best that's yet to come.love ya.:)
met him later in e evening.had another disagreement yet again.and that got me thinking alot once again.as a chinese saying goes."talkin abt money hurts e feelings ah."
well it's not like i expect you to pay for me all e time.i do offer too just that you've conveniently forgotten.and i do not always rely on your car.i've travelled to your place on my own many times before you had your car.our differences are so evidently strong.and i really hope we can put them aside n work on us instead.i want this to work out.really do.but i know some day this will end cos everything in this world has an expiry date.
i shouldn't be having doubts but i am.
thinkin that perhaps
i really am a material girl livin in a material world.
which girl doesn't love to be pampered?
but i'm not expecting anything frm you at all.
your love is much desired than all e riches n diors/guccis that i can lay my hands on.
i want you
and i already have.

i don't know what else i shd expect n want anymore, knowing perfectly well that expectations end up in a poof of disappointments.
don't understand what i'm saying?
i don't either.

*new pics.

accting paper today was like fuck.
sigh.
hatehatehate it.

your parting lips that wrapped me up
in promised company
now mumble
that each breath i take
takes from the air you breathe..

seeking solace frm e comfort i receive in abundance
frm my love
e-one-i-can-finally-call-mineminemine.
e assurances that you've provided me
are enough to last me
a lifetime of happiness.
now with e walls of defense torn down
we're bound together
in a sealed embrace.
i'm truly happy
being yours.

a silly fight is e expression of some deeper issue.

horoscope predicted tt on fri n my-oh-my how accurate it was.
we fought.
more of fierce exchange of words with so much emotions involved tt hurtful words nv felt so painful to hear.
and e obvious lack of vital communication
has caused him to misunderstand, misconstrue n misintepret my tone of voice as one of disinterest n of scorn.
e constant barrier put up to prevent e erosion of a required protection,
e holdin backs,
e refusals to put in completely in this rship,
have led him to believe tt i wasnt serious abt us at all.
and for once i hurt him so incredibly
tt i saw a different side of him tt ive nv seen before.
e weak n vulnerable
e hurting n e lonely
e neglected n e lorn
e false fronts of strength underneath tt stiff stoutness
shattered by e gravity of a silly misunderstanding.

and it scared me to know tt i had almost singlehandedly ruined everything
worst of all
almost losing him.

making up is e best part to a fight.
n to hear his frail plead of not to hurt him again
e look in his eyes desperately screaming out e need for my undivided attention n affections
to hear e three words i hardly hear frm him
makes tt moment so deliciously sweet.
bringing us to a whole new level of togetherness.

chg of game plans.