we've only just begun to live
white lace and promises
a kiss for luck n we're on our way
we've only just begun....

it's unreal.
to hear e things frm u tt ive nv imagined u telling me.
like how much i affect u.
how impt i am to u.
how u cant afford to lose me.
tt u want me to be urs.
for now.
for good.
for long.
but i cant say forever.
and it was not being able to give you e promise of a forever
which woke you up frm your unsensing senses
jolted you out of your reverie
n brought you to realisation.
this pleases me somehow-e establishment of a status confirmation.
sth tt ive always wanted frm you.
to know tt you need me, tt you want me in your life as much as i do.
to know tt you're getting jealous at e smallest details brings me sadistic joy n delight.
cos tt to me, shows tt you care.
yet somehow i've got this nagging suspicion tt we're bk together for e wrong reasons.
sth feels strange n i cant seem to pinpoint what.
not putting much into this.
e defence mechanism is working up yet again
mental preparation all prepped up
as if expecting you to screw things up any moment.

my left eye's twitching.
not good.

i just had a taste of his jealousy.
and it was simply delish.
licking my lips
savouring while it lasts.

jealousy is a lovely dish.
an absolute aphrodisiac.

i just had to bring it to his awareness
that he's not e only one vying for my attention.
this time ard he has to prove to me what he had promised to deliver.
cos i'm damn sick of e lip service.
pucker up baby.

for e first time, i heard e desperation in your voice,
begging me to stay,
begging me not to leave.
thanking me once n again for e efforts ive made
telling me tt you're so grateful for all tt ive done
trying so damn hard to redeem yourself.
promising me tt frm now on you're gonna be making efforts
tt you wanna make things work.

for e first time, i heard e sadness in your voice.
when you felt tt e passion btw us has faded
when you felt tt i was avoiding you
pushing you away
not caring anymore
not bothering at all.
and when i said i didnt believe you,
i cant believe you were close to tears.

and when you hugged me,
in such a tight embrace
as if you were afraid i was going to leave you any moment
just when i was intending to.
for e first time, i felt your fear.

for once you're weak.
for once i'm stronger.

for now i'll feed on your vulnerabilities.
and enjoy your deprivations.
i know you too well.
i knew you wld crave in desperation.
and i was right.