20july



arriving there fashionably late meant we missed most of the party.
but we managed to snag e free wine+beer+whiskydrys before e mediaparty was over.
cheers mel!thanks for e invites.


alvi has returned to melbourne.missing you many already baby.

we shd be banned frm mng. e morning of e mng sale on thurs,elaine and i met at an unearthly hr of 9am just to check out e sale. unearthly as i only had 3hrs of sleep frm zouk e nite before.e crowd that was already there was horrendous. e queues were so long and e place was packed with clothes strewn all over e place. kiasu as we are,we dug through e piles hoping to find sth we mite like. we found so many that we liketh very much. sadly we had to narrow e choices to what may suit e patheticbudgets. in 1 day,we checked out 3 mng branches, staying at each branch for an avg of 1hr each. we just cant get enough! poor soles. esp elaine's as she was unwise enough to wear heels. they were totally sore frm so much walking. elaine's my one and only mngsales shopping partner. we do this on a twice yearly basis. and shopping with her is always fun cos she is a crazybitch and we have so much fun bitching abt everything. and while checking out this tabloid mag at the borders,i found out abt a really deliciouslydecadent fact: that the mother&son characters frm niptuck,were actually dating!yummy!i love it when rships are so illicit.i cant imagine what they say to each other during offscreen intimacy. what i illustrated out to elaine is too lewdlyindecent to be mentioned here. and i didnt realise that there was an eavesdropper,looking so decent and all,decked in shirt and tie,who heard my entire role(fore)playing until elaine snickered. but the highlight of my day was when i bumped into my secsch bestfriend, whom i havent seen for 4yrs! speaking of her brings tears to my eyes cos i reallyreally missed her and to be able to see ethel and to hear her voice again was so heartfelt. my days in ij wldnt be so perfect if not for her lovelypresence. elaine and i were simply thrilled to see her! it seems so long ago when we were in ji for e first3mths and all e chain of events tt happened frm then on.we've indeed aged.


the following day,i met my gagagayle and for more shopping. i love gayle so much!she always has so many amusing stories to tell me.and now that she's a highflier,i'm entertained with stories of pilots and fellow stewardesses. from drinking with hk triads to scandals and seductions in e air. oohhoo. whatever happens at e cockpit,stays at the cockpit. so e two of us went crazy at mng again when elaine joined us. and we amused ourselves further by taking pictures while browsing thru e bra departments. gaylemyprettybaby has such bigbeautifuleyes. so electrifying arent they? that's my gorgeous stewardess. elaine's and my peepers seem so ridiculously small in comparison. oh yes. a particular paunch by e name of Ying Jr is just as amusing too. quite adorable too i must add if not i'm gonna be pinched by e Ying.
gayle and i had drinks at ochos and liberte at chijmes after that.drinking at former sch compound is such a treat! a night of too much beer i must say.gayle's male colleague and his friends joined us for drinks. we played this totally insane drinking game of 'I've never'. where dirtylittlesecrets and extremelykinkyexperiences were spilled for pleasure for all. funfunfunny! and the spilledsecrets are really too explicitlyillicit to be mentioned here, lest myblog might be stumbled upon if one's searching for perverselynaughtycontents on the searchengines.


and the weekend cldnt be anymore perfect than waking up to a loved one telling me how beauitiful i am to him. i must add that i look extremely grosse when i wake up. the morningbreath too is fwoah, not worth mentioning.


this week's gonna be fabulous albeit the schterm starting after the tooshort twoweeks break.with alvimylove returning to sg and i simply am dying to spend time with her. yes so much so that she'll get sick of me. and the verymuch anticipated dinner with ethel, with 4yrs of catchingup to do. i have millionsofthings to tell her. tons of mouthaction. cant wait!

slam your body down and wind me all ard.





while walking to e bus stop to catch e night rider after newsroombar, i heard a cheenapiangbeng pronounce terracotta, ie e one that four of us are posing with, as "teh-la-koo-tah".wahseh.i damn implessed leh.can plonounce so well ah.i really didnt want to turn ard to sneak a peek at him but i just had to.now i wish i didnt.
and i dont think i want to step into newsroombar ever again.





i wld have gone into e pool at km8 to have a dipdip+soaksoak+splishsplash if not for a certain inconvenience.e sun wasnt strong enough for a tan enhancement.oh well.heineken in e noon+munching on sandwiches made by cillia were quite a treat.


purr.
i love what absence can do to a person.
oh and by e way,granola bars make one hungrier and absolutely do not curb e appetite.
that's why i'm munching on two now.


time to raid e pantry again.

i know you're feeling me cos you like it like this.


the 21st was finally over and done with.


31stmay-the prebirthdaypartying


coccolatte.the company was fantabulous.i heard i did tons of crazyshit that night.skirtalmostpulledoff.revealing gs.podiumhogginghumping.misplacedhands.lustfuldeeds.oops.a little too explicit.tons of alcohol.loads of merrymaking.not that fun for most.it was gd while it lasted.
manythanks to all who came.
*manylovings.







*more




3rdjune-eve of thebirthday


i had the smashingest time with mel and elaine.my crazyass bitches.from drinks at this loveliest hiddenhideout called barstop. imitating this unappealing sexcretary who was desperately trying hard to seduce her boss by pouting her lips n squeezing e cleavage.to crazyfun at taboo.newfound "bestfriend" is this selfproclaimedSLUT: jimmy.he who loves to snog only angmohs n taught us how to shamelesslyseduce,ie by lifting up your top as you sway to e music.sexy!more alcohol of course came apouring.dancing under e shinydiscoball with all these reallyshinyhappyppl.real happy.where all inhibitions are shed.and may i add,attention was not on me for e first time.*ahem.yesyes humility is me.hands were kissed as greetings.birthdaysongs were sang in my ear by strangers who knew me not by my name,but as e birthdaygirl.i never danced any sexier.by vibrating even harder than a mulitspeed dildo turning anyone on faster than e miraculousbluepill+doing e mrbean thrusts n hands swinging in e opposite direction+dancing like robots.it was a nightful of laughters.
e only a pity:no pictures.cameraphones just arent tt good.




saturday4thjune-thebirthday


came home at 7am.woke up at 12 to bigloudbangs on the maindoor.the doorbell wasnt working dingdongnomore,so e deliveryboy was shouting "miss june(!!!!!)" so loud that it woke me up.i crawled out of bed so pissed that my beautyzzz was disrupted.and standing at e door was a deliveryboy with a glassvase full of 12 beautifulblueroses and a rather dodgylooking bluebear to match.sweetsurprise.frm e friend from boston.he called later asking if e deliveryboy sang me a birthdaysong,which e deliveryboy didnt.i dont blame him la.i greeted him with badmorningbreath+fbtshorts worn at the waist+some uglylooking singlet+squintingfrowns cos i wasnt wearing my glasses.who wld wanna sing birthdaysong for me looking like absolute pieceofpoo?
did i mention that i was suffering from the birthdayblues e entire wk?felt that on thebirthday itself.was even on e verge on cancelling dinner altogether because of certain ppl's absence.but i was so glad that i didnt.dinner at indochine waterfront restaurant was lovely.the atmosphere was intimate and cldnt be anymore perfect with te presence of leng and cillia.the restuarant felt like ours as we were e only ones dining indoors.the food was yums.the company i had was yummier.*burp.meal ended and the entire staff came out with a cake and sang me a birthdaysong.even e chef!awww.so sweet.
proceeded to drinks at bar opiume.even lovelier.three of us lounged on e blackcouches like lazylizards with buldgingbellies as the jazzband serenaded.in e midst of the maddeningrush, i felt this sudden peace frm within.this is living.wining and dining with two of my closestloves.i never felt happier.this is contentment.i may not have alot of flashy blingblings.but i have these preciousloves that dizzy me up with pricelesshappiness.







*more


pause.flabalert! check out my doublechin!i had to hide my buldging tummy with this lovelylavender top.which so happens to be a gift frm alvimylove.


so despite some detesting the mth of summerflinging and summerfuns, i'm loving it cos i'm celebrating me.this is the month to celebrate me.june is the month to celebrate june with june.
cheers!

so i have decided on the dresscode.


come dressed as the Girl/Boy from Ipanema enroute to COCCOmo.
think bossanova.sensuality.flowerchilds.flambuoyancyplease.bohochic.tons of flair.totally outre.merrymaking.gyratinghips.hiccupinghippies.
if all else fails, come dressed as any desirable LATTE flavor.vanilla.praline.rum.cinnamon.caramel.mocha.slurpishlysexy. as long as you arrive looking yummy and ultradelish and hardtoresist.


the prebirthdaycelebration.
31may
coccolatte
presales $14/tic.$16 at the door.
join me in celebrating my 21st!
we shall embrace my leap into womanhood together with tonsofbooze+boos.
make me happy by partying with me :)
let's rhumba!

at 5bucks per item, who cld refuse?
i totally lose it when i'm at fleas cos everything is just so cheap.
albeit secondhand, they're worth my every penny.
so timberlux, here i come!

and...





skinonskin contact brings abt incredible pain.
but i felt something much more intense than that.

especiallyforyou.
may days ahead be as lovely as you are.

so i thought i wanted a change.
for something better.
i laid my eyes on bob.
and i thought thebob was the one for me.
but now that i've got my heart's former desire,
i'm not sure so sure abt thebob anymore.
thebob and i don't look so good together.
somehow, i think thebob looks better with others than with me.
now that i've got thebob,
i don't think we're as compatible as i thought we wld be.
maybe i shd just give us time,
and give thebob some getting usedto.
but hey,
in time to come, i won't even want to live with thebob any longer.
so i rushed into things.
the fault is all mine.
and i'll have to live with my hasteposthaste of a decision.


plus,
i'm not even enjoying thebangs with thebob at all.
and faking it doesn't serve as a solution or an easy way out.
thebob doesn't make me feel as good as i wanted thebob to.
i don't oooh anymore. i arghh all e time.
i'm not liking/loving every waking moment with thebob.
and yes.
i cant wait to dump thebob.


longer is better.
for me, that is.

the blow


we might as well be strangers.
the wither of the belovedbotany.
once in fullbloom.the now-a sour staleness due to your imposed expiry.
whilst preferredperceptions are propagated by allthenoseynobodys,
misconstruedmishaps-harbored and born
ununderstoodtruths-developed and rippenedwithrot
i cldnt care less.
cldnt the least be bothered for they're hardly even significant.
basking under the askewedassumptions cast upon me,
thriving from the thoughts that're forming in these mindlessminds
perlustrating peeps and peeks that are thrown towards my direction.
and it was then
the unfortunate unearthing: that you were them
that spilled the shrouded squalidity.
how i had believed that you were one of utmostjust
reasoning with reasons
unjudgmental and unbiased.
for you knew me.
the innerme you managed to know of
as i shared with you my many insecurities.
how you used to calm me with your wisewords and soundserenity
the one i turned to in times of difficulties and moments of glee.
till the day the back was turned.and the love was lost and gone.
the purpose of this isnt to identify the source of cause or name the blame.
but an expression of the disappoinment and the isolation that has frayed the selvage.
to know that we wont be the same again
is desolation beyond any loss i have encountered by far.
for we wont be the same again,
we might as well be strangers.
if only we didnt develop that level of emotional intimacy we had
the talks the laughs we shared
the layers of pretense defense that you encouraged me to shed
all were good while they lasted.
and from the looks of the outcome,
we will be strangers.


as your eyes reach this part of the post,
we already are strangers.
pleased to have met you.
perhaps we shouldnt have.

i find myself wondering
what it wld be like
if i was yours for a day.


bite me pls.
for bearing such debauched thoughts.

photowhoring with photoshop.
snapshots of myloves.
etched in e heart.
for life.













amateurish artworks, no?


yesterday, whilst vanniemybaby and i were nuaing at starbucks, along came a secondary school classmate of mine. one i haven't seen like for 5 yrs? she has changed so much. appearancewise that is. frm then when her uniform was neat and proper and her socks were of e legal length.(during my time, it wasn't that funkydory yet to wear ankle length socks. socks more than 3fingers above the ankle were drawn with markers by e discipline mistress, if my memory serves me right. correct me if i'm wrong?)
anyway we were just casual conversationalising when the topic of marriage came up. e most shocking news of e night: a primary sch classmate of mine was gonna get married in june. *shrieks *gasps *speechless. omg. fellow ij sisters. i'm sure you'd know who she is. she was one fifth of the vocal quintet in ij who always gathered either in arts1 or arts3 classroom every morning and harmonized their vocals while pple like me were busy copying homework or catching some winks. married at 21? unthinkable. van and i were visibly shaken by the news of the happyunion. it's like despite e fact that we're only 20 turning 21, 19 turning 20, for a splitsecond moment, van and i shared e same thought. for why are we still left on e shelf? it's not as if we were feeling e itch and were desperate to be married off. but were mere triggeredoff thoughts which proliferated and manifested on my way hm.
no longer sweetsixteens in that gorgeous blue pinafore with e belt worn loose and low. but wives walking down aisles in verawangs. followed closely by adorning hotmama-ish pregger outfits from swell or something and shopping at mothercare. *shrieks. those were e days when friends wld gather during recess and discuss and predict who wld get married off first blahblahyada. it is so happening like right now. soon wedding/solemnization invitations wld replace those hallmark xmas cards that we used to send each other every xmas during those times in ij. and yes. soon e attached amongst us wld start hearing e biological clocks in them ticking like timebombs and urging their other halves to settle down or else. and e rest who have managed to convince themselves that they'd thrive in singledom wld begin to feel e chiffonlike dust layers on top of their chiffon dresses. speedating/grp dates/blind dates/irc outings wld soon follow suit.


3-6 more yrs before we're all of a decent marriagable age.
geezybeezy. my, have we aged.

if we had no memory whatsoever
//we would stay right here forever .


here is gone.


i wish you had short term memory loss.
things wld be perfect
and we'd be so happy.


to wake up in the breakdown.

this is too much for me to bear.
the history that haunts.
the past that prostrates the present.



for the first time,
i felt the relief that surged amidst the dismal dismissal.
over.

cillia+me=coloredhairjoy!


the weekend.
7hrs stay at e salon. e butt is now flatter than before. not like there was any there in e first place. virgin experience of e hair streaked with highlights. complimentarygleewhee. absolutely loved e head+neck+shoulder massage by e shampooboy. oooh. ooooooh. hokkien mee. carrotcake. sugarcane+lemon jest @chompchomps. sitting down at e bench bearing our souls to each other. sharing our tears and fears. ilovecillia. then came captainchua+ron. (poor) navigation ard singapore=exploration to neverbeenexplored before estates. hollandvillage. teacafe called escensia methinks? no chairs. crosslegged enjoyment of earlgrey. then came e rumble of e tumtum. journey to geylang for e beef horfun. *to alvi- i cldnt stop thinking of you when i was consuming my beefhorfun..wishing you cld be here with me. gettinglost. alphabetgames. greatime.


moviemarathon. milliondollarbaby. what a tearjerker. shallwedance. richard my alltimefaveoldman gere shdnt have been in this bgraded production. anything with hanifer tacoandbarrito just aint gd. closer. ilovecloser. an absolute work of art. i love i love i absolutely love how e characters development intertwined with each other. how they're all each other's muses. e usual favorite elements namely love+lust cant be anymore eminent. brilliance. i can identify with more than one of e characters portrayed. i feel them. so can any of you. it touches you in more ways than one. a lustmustwatch.
then came a downpour. i just hate bearing my soul to you. because i know how you can make use of e facts agst me one day. and now that i have, i'm shattered because i just lost one layer of my pretense defense. deep inside. i just want to be e perfect unflawed one. i hate how you pry deep within e skin. this isnt dishonesty. this is just not knowing e truth. many times, i yearn to be an open book in front of you but i know there are chapters abt me that you shd neverever know. not now at least. i'm confused to why we're still in this when it benefits neither in e first place. i don't know what to become anymore.


"sometimes, being tough just aint enough.
and. always protect yourself."
-frankiedunn in milliondollarbaby.

promises of pleasure mesmerised,
but how far can we get?
at least here in the eye of the storm
i won't get my (new) hairdo wet
some of you have already foreseen yourself undone
some of you seem to believe you've only just begun
try a little perjury,
get rich quick
my eyes are bigger than my belly is,
and it makes me sick
attitude, with so much to prove,
should've been a beautiful thing
some of you will already know,
and i'm still wondering
should've been a beautiful thing
could've been a beautiful thing
i could've been, should've been, could've been a beautiful thing
should've been, would've been a beautiful thing.


how we love to disguise.


should've been, could've been-moloko.

for it was a mere fixation with fiction
a showcase of my nowherenear perfect prose
e illusory identity illustrated was readily accepted.
names were never mentioned to begin with
roles narrated were so broadspectrumed, almost anyone can relate to them
but i guess it just struck one really hard.
and e ludicrous rejoinder stirred probably stems frm e guilt,
thus e intense defense mechanism.
yawn.
e sham is such a shame.


review of e bachelor last night:
i personally feel that e way trish behaves e way that she does, is moulded by e circumstances she's been facing with all her life. she commented that she cld never get along well with other females and cant stand their cattiness and only enjoys e company of men. especially physical intimacy frm men. regardless of marital status. perhaps by being so sexually giving and mastering e perfection in skills and giving men e absolute pleasure that e dirtiest porn cant even fulfil, that's probably e only time her presence is enjoyed and appreciated. i detect her desperation for acceptance. and since she claims she's good with what she can give, i suppose thats e only lasting power she possesses.
that, truly is sad.


i'm really fortunate to have a few good ones who're so close to my soul. being with me thru e roughest tides. resuscitating me when i've drowned. rescuing me when i'd rather suffocate. sticking by me through my periods of ugliness in moods. making me a better person thru their tenderlovings. frankly, i do feel at times that i do not deserve any at all. that maybe, i'm better off alone. i have remorse in not being able to show appreciations for my blessings. for i'm an epitome of all-talk no-action. just like a typical bastard. but i'm working on improving to be a better person, reciprocrating e affections that i've been receiving.
i dont want to end up as an ingrate with diminishing caregivers.
just like how one's been ditched.


advice: if ever you wish to bitch abt anyone at all, pls take great precautions in making sure that e word doesnt get ard to e subjectmatter eventually. be a vigilant rumormonger. such is e essence of being a successful businessperson. it's all abt e right amts of applications.

met my alltime favorite womaniser38 last nite for an unsuccessful shopping spree.oh e fact that e former objectofdesire was ard was secondary. leading me to conclude nah-uh, i wld prefer e beefy cutie with e goatie who was so delicate with his hands that he can actually sew and use e sewing machine.oh my.*swoon.i cld have melted there and then.to see men who’re so serious and engrossed in doing something they’re so passionate abt is an incredible turnon.
which leads to our orchardmrt to dhobyghautmrt superslowstroll and deepdeepdeepconversation.


Faux.


how i've witnessed some ard me, who in attempts to impress, forge and feign their traits and personas.
person1 may sound familiar to my closestloves. one who’s intimidated by my presence and as a result, gets tonguetied and stammers in e midst of conversations with me. which is occasionally amusing and perhaps adorable at e mere witness of e fusion of his bashfulness/nerves overrun. with a tendency to focus more on his flaws than giving myself a chance to understand him as a person, one fine day, i disposed my reticence and viewed him as a plainwhitesheet. devoid of impressions inked on previous occasions. so things looked slightly cheerier. But many a times, i had e strongest urge to tell him to be himself. because i’m hardly even impressed at his recordbreaking swims/runs/fulfilling gym workouts/proteinshake or other antioxidant intakes. he’s like talking to e unsportiest person ever who loves her meat and fattyfood more than anything else.e more he mentions his apparent achievements, i dash towards e other direction. faster than his recordbreaking personal best timing clocked. e final straw came abt and blew away any chances he cld ever have. by writing an absolute shit of a testimonial for one of my closestlove, telling her “to wipe e fucking grin off (her) face and to shut up"?! testimonials are meant to be ego-enlarging PR proclamations and that particular one written for her was hardly even funny. in fact it was downright offensive and disrespectful. ruderuderude. so he basically placed e fullstop to everything.


person2 is more talkedabt. she cooks up and conceives her own contradictions to abide by to portray herself as ooh..intriguing? please. hardly even. she goes ard announcing how she can be such a bitch but still e sweetest bitch ever. yeah sweet enough to bring her home to show mommy.everything abt her is a fiction more 'enchanting' than enid blyton or e girl frm mallory towers. if she cld pause for maybe one second in e midst of her marvelous storytelling, and realise that there’re onlookers scrutinizing her every move just dying to expose her con act.if she cld tell others that a former-good-friend-of-hers always sit on other men’s lap whenever e friend goes clubbing, halt. e friend never cheated/strayed/tasted other men during e course of e friend's rship.yes e friend only had 1 rship.and whilst she always appear victimized,what she left out was e fact that she brought upon everything to herself with her misdeeds.of cos she leaves these details out.there's a targeted audience that she's trying really hard to impress.an audience that's totally out of her league. which explains why she's e somebody that she's not and wont always be.


so while there're only two that are mentioned, i can outrightly say that i'm not all that genuine either.but at least i'm honest abt it and yes i make it known.e hardly-ever-pleasant entries of mine simply spell out june as a bitterbitch, sourslut, fuckedupfloozy, hatefulharlot, anything one can cast me as. i'll play out whatever e role you want to perceive me to be. even till today, after being with him for more than 3yrs, he's still peeling off e layers of camouflage that i've enshrouded myself with.i don't lie.e truth is just not known.


and maybe e reason why e truth wont ever be known is because e truth is ugly.
once seen, i'll be shunned.
it has already been tested and proven.