photowhoring with photoshop.
snapshots of myloves.
etched in e heart.
for life.













amateurish artworks, no?


yesterday, whilst vanniemybaby and i were nuaing at starbucks, along came a secondary school classmate of mine. one i haven't seen like for 5 yrs? she has changed so much. appearancewise that is. frm then when her uniform was neat and proper and her socks were of e legal length.(during my time, it wasn't that funkydory yet to wear ankle length socks. socks more than 3fingers above the ankle were drawn with markers by e discipline mistress, if my memory serves me right. correct me if i'm wrong?)
anyway we were just casual conversationalising when the topic of marriage came up. e most shocking news of e night: a primary sch classmate of mine was gonna get married in june. *shrieks *gasps *speechless. omg. fellow ij sisters. i'm sure you'd know who she is. she was one fifth of the vocal quintet in ij who always gathered either in arts1 or arts3 classroom every morning and harmonized their vocals while pple like me were busy copying homework or catching some winks. married at 21? unthinkable. van and i were visibly shaken by the news of the happyunion. it's like despite e fact that we're only 20 turning 21, 19 turning 20, for a splitsecond moment, van and i shared e same thought. for why are we still left on e shelf? it's not as if we were feeling e itch and were desperate to be married off. but were mere triggeredoff thoughts which proliferated and manifested on my way hm.
no longer sweetsixteens in that gorgeous blue pinafore with e belt worn loose and low. but wives walking down aisles in verawangs. followed closely by adorning hotmama-ish pregger outfits from swell or something and shopping at mothercare. *shrieks. those were e days when friends wld gather during recess and discuss and predict who wld get married off first blahblahyada. it is so happening like right now. soon wedding/solemnization invitations wld replace those hallmark xmas cards that we used to send each other every xmas during those times in ij. and yes. soon e attached amongst us wld start hearing e biological clocks in them ticking like timebombs and urging their other halves to settle down or else. and e rest who have managed to convince themselves that they'd thrive in singledom wld begin to feel e chiffonlike dust layers on top of their chiffon dresses. speedating/grp dates/blind dates/irc outings wld soon follow suit.


3-6 more yrs before we're all of a decent marriagable age.
geezybeezy. my, have we aged.

if we had no memory whatsoever
//we would stay right here forever .


here is gone.


i wish you had short term memory loss.
things wld be perfect
and we'd be so happy.


to wake up in the breakdown.

this is too much for me to bear.
the history that haunts.
the past that prostrates the present.



for the first time,
i felt the relief that surged amidst the dismal dismissal.
over.

cillia+me=coloredhairjoy!


the weekend.
7hrs stay at e salon. e butt is now flatter than before. not like there was any there in e first place. virgin experience of e hair streaked with highlights. complimentarygleewhee. absolutely loved e head+neck+shoulder massage by e shampooboy. oooh. ooooooh. hokkien mee. carrotcake. sugarcane+lemon jest @chompchomps. sitting down at e bench bearing our souls to each other. sharing our tears and fears. ilovecillia. then came captainchua+ron. (poor) navigation ard singapore=exploration to neverbeenexplored before estates. hollandvillage. teacafe called escensia methinks? no chairs. crosslegged enjoyment of earlgrey. then came e rumble of e tumtum. journey to geylang for e beef horfun. *to alvi- i cldnt stop thinking of you when i was consuming my beefhorfun..wishing you cld be here with me. gettinglost. alphabetgames. greatime.


moviemarathon. milliondollarbaby. what a tearjerker. shallwedance. richard my alltimefaveoldman gere shdnt have been in this bgraded production. anything with hanifer tacoandbarrito just aint gd. closer. ilovecloser. an absolute work of art. i love i love i absolutely love how e characters development intertwined with each other. how they're all each other's muses. e usual favorite elements namely love+lust cant be anymore eminent. brilliance. i can identify with more than one of e characters portrayed. i feel them. so can any of you. it touches you in more ways than one. a lustmustwatch.
then came a downpour. i just hate bearing my soul to you. because i know how you can make use of e facts agst me one day. and now that i have, i'm shattered because i just lost one layer of my pretense defense. deep inside. i just want to be e perfect unflawed one. i hate how you pry deep within e skin. this isnt dishonesty. this is just not knowing e truth. many times, i yearn to be an open book in front of you but i know there are chapters abt me that you shd neverever know. not now at least. i'm confused to why we're still in this when it benefits neither in e first place. i don't know what to become anymore.


"sometimes, being tough just aint enough.
and. always protect yourself."
-frankiedunn in milliondollarbaby.